


You Can't Really Save Me

by katsukii



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-12 20:59:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21482761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katsukii/pseuds/katsukii
Summary: Light is Kira, and there's no chance of saving him from himself. That won't stop L from trying. Multichapter in which Light still has memories of the Death Note during the Yotsuba Arc.
Relationships: L/Yagami Light
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

Light is his own best weapon of war.

Sitting amongst the members of the task force, idly sipping tea that has been left to steep too long, he fancies himself near undefeatable. With a father who vehemently vouches for his innocence, along with members who are simply too stupid to piece together anything of importance, Light knows that he has all but won in his quest to become the new world's God. His tea may be bitter, but the taste of his victory is all the sugar he needs to keep himself from grimacing at the flavor as it washes over his tongue.

To his right, L — _Ryuzaki_, he reminds himself — is hunched over at his chair, milling through an assortment of sweets with the practiced eye of a dessert connoisseur. Without his consent, Light's nose creases in a show of something between disgust and confusion; he has never been one to understand Ryuzaki's fascination with sweets, as Light always finds them far too cloying for his palette. His eyes trace Ryuzaki's movements as the man picks up a strawberry mochi, tests its squishiness between his fingers, then pops it into his mouth. He exhales a lofty sigh. _The world's greatest detective._ Ryuzaki licks mochi residue off of his fingers before returning to his search, picking through a bag of chocolate wafers that has been resting beside his plate. He seems to notice Light's studious gaze upon him, and he rotates his chair with a quick shove off the desk, a blank expression donned upon his visage.

"What is it, Light?"

His voice is soft, perhaps mollified by fatigue, for it does not contain the subtly sharp edge that it tends to have when Ryuzaki speaks to Light. This is off-putting, and Light's carefully built persona fractures for just a second too long, the hesitation in his body evident as his mouth hangs agape, waiting for words that will not come.

He shifts in his seat, eyes returning to his keyboard in a sad attempt at diverting attention literally anywhere else. "Are you tired, Ryuzaki? You sound like you could use a break."

Ryuzaki hums thoughtfully. "No. I'm simply wishing I had cake. Or enough evidence to prove that you are indeed Kira. But I have neither of these, and I find that rather disappointing."

Light breathes a palpable sigh, fingers freezing midair above his computer keys. He loathes that there is no discernable end to Ryuzaki's suspicion; it is frustrating on many different levels, not just for the fact that he's the only person standing in Kira's way. Even so, Light can't bring himself to fully hate the detective. Ryuzaki presents a challenge, a clashing battle of wits that Light is sure no other person could truly go head-to-head with him in. Testing his boundaries, pushing his limits, Ryuzaki is like the piece of himself that Light both wishes he could cut free and wishes he could hold onto forever.

He isn't quite sure what his reality would be like without Ryuzaki in it.

"Still going on about that? Ryuzaki, I'm _not _Kira. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that. It's depressing that you really think I could be capable of killing so many people! Don't you get that I want to save people? That's why I'm part of the task force. I want to help catch Kira and make this world a better place."

"Yes, I'm sure you do," comes the gentle reply, little more than a murmur as Ryuzaki turns back to his sweets; the chain on his wrist clacks unceremoniously against the arm of his chair as he rotates. "How noble."

"Why are you like this?" Light snaps, fists closing in on themselves, knuckles white from the force of his grip. "Why do you not believe a thing I say? Is it just because you think I'm Kira? Or is it because you think I'm shallow and don't actually care about the world? Because I do care! That's why I'm here!"

The words tumble out of his mouth mostly without his permission, an admission of feelings buried deep within himself. He can't stop talking; his lips move like lightning strikes, so fast the eye can barely trace them. "I want to be like my father. He's an inspiration to my whole family. He works hard and keeps people safe. I do the same thing in hopes of being like him. I'll change the world for the better and people will thank me. That's what I want. _Don't you see that?_ If you're so smart, can't you tell I'm being honest? Well?"

Ryuzaki pauses, a Hello Panda strawberry candy in his palm. It depicts a bear fencing. "...Yes," he replies, studying the candy, then Light, then the candy again, before he flips it into his mouth and bites down. Sweet berry flavored filling dapples his tongue. "I suppose you are being honest. You only get this worked up when something means a lot to you."

Light sighs shakily. The adrenaline from his outburst is leaving his body in waves, travelling down his spine, his arms, making his hands tremble. He slowly releases his grip; his fingers burn from being in such tight fists. He cranes his neck; his bangs fall delicately into his face, shielding him once more.

He's so tired. His filter is slipping.

"Ryuzaki. You can keep working if you want, but I need to sleep. I'm done for the day."

"Very well. I'll use the laptop in your room to continue work."

"You really have to keep these chains on?"

"Yes. Until I know you're not Kira, I can't leave your side. Don't worry. I'll pull up a chair by the desk, so I won't have to be in your space."

Light wants to roll his eyes, but he doesn't have the energy. Where he would normally protest, he now remains silent, mulling things over. "Fine. Let's go."

He stands, brushes the creases out of his pants and blazer. He wants to change into pajamas but doesn't want to do so in front of Ryuzaki, so he figures he'll be sleeping in these clothes tonight. Not the most comfortable, but at least the fabric is soft.

With a wave of his hand, Ryuzaki hops down from his chair and saunters to the staircase.

"Well, let's go. You need to be up early tomorrow morning for more reports on the Yotsuba group."

"I know, Ryuzaki. I'm coming."


	2. Chapter 2

The room is sizable, but feels small with the lack of decor.

Ordinarily, one would think such a thing would have the opposite effect, but the simplicity of the furniture makes the room shrink in on itself. On the northernmost wall sits a desk, dark oak with three drawers and one overhead cabinet, with a rudimentary black office chair pushed up under it. A laptop screen glows blue atop the polished wood. There is a bathroom to the east; the door is pulled shut. Inside, it is a standard room akin to one found in hotels; there is a shower, which can doubles as a tub, and there is a nice porcelain sink and toilet in the corner. A large mirror reflects the room back, complete with lights studding the frame for added effect.

The bedroom is scarce in added decorations, sporting only a painting of a seascape on its southern wall, where the bed is. The frame is mounted squarely in the middle of the wall above the headboard, though Light notices it is slightly askew, and his nose wrinkles disapprovingly. He half drags Ryuzaki as he kicks off his shoes and climbs onto the bed to straighten the photo.

A nightstand sits beside the western side of the bed, a bland accent piece standing in its center. An alarm clock flashes 2:30 A.M. in red numbering.

After Light is satisfied with the frame's orientation, he allows himself to recline on the mattress, though it isn't as firm as he would like it to be. It is soft, memory foam, the kind that sinks under his weight and melds to his body shape. He much prefers a more stiff mattress to sleep on.

Ryuzaki is ambling towards the desk, yanking their chain to the full length but finding he cannot comfortably sit down with his arm outstretched behind him. He will not ask Light to move; the young man is almost asleep by now, disappearing into the pillows as they exhale under him. Instead, he takes the laptop, kicks off the desk, and rolls the chair over to the west side nightstand, replacing the vase of flowers atop it with his computer. Now, the chain dangles loosely over the edge of the bed, and both Light and Ryuzaki have space to move as they would like.

Hours pass and Light is fast asleep, snoring lightly as he shifts according to his dream. Ryuzaki is still awake, eyes baggy, and he types away on his laptop, analyzing photos and recordings of the Yotsuba group and then contrasting them with stocks, sales sheets, and victims of Kira. He has been doing this for far too long, and fatigue gnaws at his bones. He yawns; his eyes droop. His irises shift to Light, who is on his side, far to one side of the bed. It has been some days since Ryuzaki has slept, and he figures it would not be terrible to let himself get some rest tonight. Besides, if Light is Kira, the wiretaps on his computer will pick up any sound from his movements - the turning of pages, the scrawling of pen on paper. Ryuzaki has all fronts covered.

Sighing inwardly, he picks himself up off the chair, scrambling to the corner of the bed where Light is not. Curling in on himself so as to take up as little space as possible, Ryuzaki resigns himself to the mattress, heavy eyes falling shut and sleep taking him near-instantly.

The clock flashes 5:47.


	3. Chapter 3

Sunlight slices through the curtains in thick beams, casting rays across the floor like stripes on a t-shirt.

Light is the first to wake, a habitual early riser because of school. He yawns; his body convulses with a shudder as he stretches and starts the blood flow to his arms and legs. He feels quite rested, though he thinks he could comfortably fall back asleep for at least another hour, if only he had the time to do so.

He pushes himself up into a slouchy sit, arms supporting the majority of his body weight, as he is hunched over himself, limbs still drowsy. His brain is already firing with ideas, new dialogue strings for how to catch Kira, new lies to spill and win everyone over with. He rubs his eyes with the backs of his hands, another yawn tugging at his lips.

“Hey, Ryuzaki. Any progress on Yotsuba?” he asks, eyes still shut. When there is no response, he hesitates, rubs his eyes again, and then opens them slowly. The laptop has been abandoned to the nightstand, sitting alone, blue screen glowing faintly. For a moment, Light thinks Ryuzaki has taken off his end of the handcuffs, and he traces the chain carefully, starting at his hand and following it all the way over to… 

Ryuzaki. Sleeping next to him.

Light snaps to attention, suddenly much more awake than he is ready to be. His nerves fire all too fast, breathing catching in his throat as his heart beats doubletime. Ever so slightly, he feels a heat boil underneath his cheeks. How embarrassing. Light knows he moves in his sleep, so it is conceivable that they had gotten even closer during the night than they are now… and Light’s face contorts at the thought. He is not a man easily embarrassed, so it shocks him all the more that he is feeling this way now. Maybe it’s because he would dare to let his guard so low around his mortal enemy.

Yes, it must be.

Light’s face deepens in hue as he studies Ryuzaki’s sleeping form, notes his askew bangs and slightly parted lips and long, delicate eyelashes. He is in the fetal position, arms curled around legs tucked up to his chest. He snores just a bit; drool edges down the corner of his mouth onto his pillow. He is deep in sleep, and Light has never seen the man sleep before. Loathe as he is to do so, Light eases himself back down onto the mattress and closes his eyes.

_Sleep,_ he wills himself. But his senses are too aware, too fixated on Ryuzaki’s closeness and the humming cadence of his breathing. His heart drums in his ears, an irregular beat that makes Light antsy. He just wants to get up and pace around, blow off some energy, calm himself down so he can either go back to sleep or focus on work. But he can do neither of these things, and that only serves to increase his worry as he lays there, eyes trained intently on the ceiling.

He finds himself turning his head, eyes traveling to Ryuzaki’s back. The man shifts, still asleep, but turns completely over. His bangs shroud his face, but the closeness is yet enough to throw Light off once again. He feels suddenly sick; his stomach is twisting itself into knots and his lungs feel like dreamcatchers, filtering wind through. No matter how he tries, he cannot take a deep enough breath to sate himself.

With shaky movements, he raises his right hand, draws it towards Ryuzaki’s face. Carefully, he brushes a shock of hair back from the man’s visage; it reveals his closed eyes and sharp nose, as well as the hint of eyebrows that Light always doubted the existence of. But more interesting than that, Light is intrigued by how soft Ryuzaki’s hair is. It is so unkempt that it is conceivable the man doesn’t shower often, but the softness of his hair suggests good grooming.

Light smiles, teases a lock of hair between his fingers.

And Ryuzaki's dark eyes open.


	4. Chapter 4

Light forgets how to breathe.

He inhales a lungful of air all too quickly, lips pursing into an 'o' as his face becomes a mien of tribulation. His eyes have grown wider, brows have raised of their own accord; his pupils have swollen to twice their usual size and his cheeks have taken the liberty of flushing with a rose colored tinge that feels, to Light, quite like a small fire. His eyes dart from left to right, surveying the subtle changes in Ryuzaki's mien- yes, he definitely just raised his right eyebrow a twinge. Panic encases his mind. How does he explain his way out of this? Kira - no, _Light_, he reminds himself - Light is an average student who dates girls and never gets flustered. He is not someone who takes interest in over-cautious, shoddy, and downright infuriating detectives who make him want to bite through his own tongue on occasion.

No, he doesn't like people like that.

"Light...?" Ryuzaki mumbles, sunken eyes drooping to half-lids. "Good, you're awake. I meant to talk to you about the Kira case. Going off of your lead, I found this detail last night in support of your claim, and... Oh, hold on." He shuts his eyes as he yawns, and when he is finished he keeps them closed, fatigue still heavy in his muddled brain.

"Ryuzaki... Are you tired?" Light asks, though he does not need to; he knows the answer.

"No. The world's greatest detective cannot afford to take breaks to sleep. After all, Kira is out there, killing people at a rate faster than we might even be aware of."

"Ryuzaki. You're only human, just like me. So what if you have to recharge after a while? It's nothing to be ashamed of. Would you like me to get you some coffee?"

He's playing the helpful Light persona today - one of his least favorites, but admittedly one of the most useful. People tend to respond well to it, and Light is not one to object to cold, hard facts. He wears a smile as he props himself up on his elbows, spurred only by his drive to adapt himself wholly to the persona. It has nothing at all to do with Ryuzaki's confused look as he wraps his brain around the unfolding situation.

"You're offering... to get me coffee? Is that right?" He seems dumbfounded. Internally, Light is snickering - what a fool. Thinking he actually cares. Hell, he could just poison him and be done with it all, but that would be no fun. No, the chase, the _game _\- that's the real thrill. The fear of being caught lingering like a tall shadow behind his back. Fear makes the game more fun.

"Well, I suppose I'll take you up on that. Put plenty of sugar in it. Actually, no. Just bring the coffee and the sugar. I'll do it myself."

"Right. Pull up the case information you worked on last night. We can go over it while we eat."

"Eat?"

_"Breakfast_, Ryuzaki. Would you like anything?"

"Just a slice of cake."

Light rolls his eyes, but Ryuzaki is not paying attention, already set on entering the passcode to their laptop. His dull irises flick over the screen, from window to window, tab to tab. Light breathes a small sigh - Ryuzaki is always so absorbed in his work that he can't even appreciate Light's sass. The younger man groans as he tugs on their handcuffs, as if signaling, _are you going to take these off or not?_

"The answer is no. I'm coming with you," Ryuzaki says, as if reading Light's mind.

A sigh follows, but Light supposes it was worth a try. He waits for Ryuzaki to get himself settled with his information pulled up on the screen, then begins to walk towards the room's shut door, dragging a fatigued, sauntering Ryuzaki along behind him.

How infuriating.


	5. Chapter 5

Day in, day out. Everything the same.

Light's footsteps fall solid on the ground, one after the other, in time to the unheard beat of the universe - not arrhythmic like Ryuzaki's. He walks with confidence in his stride, the projected energy oozing from his soles with each step forward. Strong, keen eyes watch the changing landscape; they note passing picture frames of painted seascapes, ajar doors with empty chairs facing curtained windows. They flit from scene to scene, wall to wall, taking everything in and leaving no part of the hall unscanned. Light sees everything. And this only bolsters his confidence, spurs the strut onward and the twitching of his lips into a smirk.

He is Ryuzaki's antithesis.

He knows this, and it brings him utter joy. Where he is poised, the picture of justice and selflessness, Ryuzaki is childish, playing a game with pieces that he doesn't realize have always belonged to Light. Even down to the way the move, the phlegmatic and assured steps taken by Light versus the hunched, sauntering Ryuzaki, the two could not be more opposite. Light is sculpted, all sharp angles and dashing features, and Ryuzaki is sunken and wan, seeming to shrivel into his own lanky body. Light's voice is silk and Ryuzaki's is stone being ground against concrete. Light has no one looking at him and Ryuzaki has everyone looking at him.

He tries not to laugh at the thought.

"Light? Something on your mind?" Ryuzaki asks, and in doing so he breaks Light's train of thought with a crushing blow. How annoying - but then, Light thinks, what if there's more to his question than meets the eye? He steels himself - was he careless? Did Ryuzaki notice his simper and deduce something from it? No, it couldn't be. Light is careful and meticulous, and he can blame his expression on an excitement for morning coffee and seeing his father. It's nothing he needs to ruffle his feathers over. He takes a soothing breath, gathers himself.

"Just going over what I've found out so far about Yotsuba. I think we're really onto something here. I'm looking forward to seeing what you came up with last night," he replies, cocking his head to the side so Ryuzaki can better see the smile on his face - one that has faded into a kind expression, rather than a cruel, malevolent grin. In these moments, he truly seems to the world to be Light Yagami, aspiring police worker, agent of justice. Not Kira.

But Light will always be Kira. It is his favorite part of himself.

"Hm, yes. It's quite fascinating. I'm curious to get your opinion on it, Light. If it holds any merit, I'm sure you'll come to the same conclusion that I have."

"Well, I'll give it my best shot. We think alike, Ryuzaki. I have no doubt we're on the right track here."

"Agreed. We do." Ryuzaki's voice is harsher than usual, falling on a sour note. It unsettles Light, but he will not allow himself to show that he is disgruntled in the least. Instead, he gives an airy chuckle and tugs the handcuffs in a teasing gestation.

"Hurry it up. The coffee will be cold by the time we get there if we keep walking at your pace," Light says. Ryuzaki obliges, and shuffles along quicker.

*****

Light watches in something akin to horror as Ryuzaki spoons a seventh sugar cube into his miniscule cup of coffee. He has already gone through half of his own cup, which he drinks black, and managed to down a buttered croissant offered by Watari in the time it has taken Ryuzaki to reach the satisfactory level of sugar for his drink. He finds Ryuzaki's sweet tooth incredibly droll, and he struggles to refrain from commenting on it, knowing that somehow, Ryuzaki will find a way to turn it on him and imply that he is Kira. It's downright ridiculous how certain Ryuzaki is that he is Kira. Light snorts.

"Something funny, Light?" Ryuzaki asks, testing the coffee with his tongue. He scowls, adds another sugar cube.

"You, Ryuzaki," he replies, unable to stop himself from grinning as he leans back in his chair and stabs at a strawberry on his plate.

"Me? I fail to see what's funny about me."

"Your obsession with sweets. If you wanted sugar, why even drink the coffee? You'd be better off just eating the cubes."

"I still need the caffeine, Light."

"Chocolate has caffeine."

Ryuzaki sips his coffee once more, seems to be moderately pleased with it. "That's true."

Light hums in acknowledgement, occupied with chasing the strawberry around his plate a bit longer. After far too much effort expended over one piece of fruit, he finally gives up and plucks it up with his fingers, popping it into his mouth. The pineapple slices are easier to nab with his fork, he discovers, but the blueberries prove to be difficult. He groans inwardly, rolls his eyes at the plate. Eating breakfast is more of a chore than it should be.

Ryuzaki sets his now-empty cup on the countertop with a bit too much force; a resounding clunk of fine china hitting porcelain echoes through the room. Light flinches at the sound, while Ryuzaki merely looks onwards, as if the jarring noise entirely passed him by.

Light clears his throat. "Well, if you're ready, I'd be happy to look over your findings with you. Let's go grab the laptop."

"I'm bringing a piece of cake with me," Ryuzaki mumbles, accepting a proffered plate from Watari that contains a hefty slice of strawberry shortcake. He then rises from his seat, hopping to the floor and stealing a sideways glance at Light, who is still seated. "Let's go then."

"Absolutely." Light finishes the last of his blueberries, pushes off of the table with his palms, and begins to walk to the staircase. He prefers this over the elevator, mostly because he doesn't have to be in such close proximity with Ryuzaki. That, and there are cameras and wiretaps in the elevators, and he doesn't want any of the cameras to catch him smirking to himself if he gets lost in his thoughts.

He starts up the stairs with a grunt, and Ryuzaki follows uncomfortably close behind.


End file.
